Winning a negotiation is all about getting the other person to speak. Richard Mullender, a former hostage negotiator, says there are 4 words that will achieive that.

The words are: "I feel as if ..." Mullender explained that the best barristers at London's central criminal court, the Old Bailey, weren't the ones that asked endless questions. It was the ones that didn't.

"Don't change the conversation. It's the dumbest thing you can do. The secret is in the rambling. It's the rambling I'm interested in," Mullender said.

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Sometimes, in conversation, people ask questions to let the other person "off the hook" and to stop them from rambling. But as soon as people ask questions, they are changing the subject, rather than attempting to interpret how they feel. And it's when people give their opinions that you begin to work them out. So rather than asking a direct question like: "Why are you doing that?" when attempting to interpret what someone is saying, you should say: "I feel as if ... " Saying something like "I feel as if something I said upset you," or "I get the impression this is the problem," allows you to interpret their true emotion without offending them, Mullender said. He added: "It allows you to guess what you think the other person means. If you get it right, they expand on it. If you get it wrong, they correct you and expand on it."

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